Your Profile Sucks
I admit it. I'm on Jdate. So is every other single Jew in the city, whether they admit to it, or hide their profile and deny it.
For whatever reason, as I scroll the hundreds (you get matched up to 500, FYI) of eligible dudes in the city, their profiles scream of cliches. Their chest-bearing pictured induce naseau. Day after day, I have to bite my tongue, or technically, hold my hands back from writing them and telling them just what exactly is wrong with their profile. But now that I have my own personal blog, I can spew forth all the pent up angst that has been building. Pent-up Profiling. This is going to be fun. So: Things That Make Your Profile Suck
1) You use the phrase "work hard and play hard" or worse, "work hard and play harder."
2) You feel the need to show pictures of you either topless, with another woman, or with you holding a baby. Yes, babies are cute. But you are trying to align with our biological clocks that are already ticking into overtime, and that is just plain mean.
3) You "can't believe you're doing this." Get over it, we all are. Don't you now that anyone who is anyone is doing it.
4) All your sentences start with "I." "I want to throw up all over you, how about that?!"
5) Your profile reeks with grammatical errors. "Alot" is two words damn it!! And there is a difference between their, they're and there.
6) You like women that are just as comfortable in a black tie dress as they are in jeans and a baseball cap. Personally, I like men that wear jeans with a black-tie jacket and a baseball cap.
7) You say you're funny. Back to my first bolg post. People who say they're funny aren't. Use another word- like unoriginal.
8) Your height, weight or age is listed in the paragraph describing yourself. Have some patience, dear profiler. If you scroll down to the next section, all your stats are listed. Saying them twice does not add that extra inch to your height.
9) You write in ALL CAPS. THIS BRINGS TO MIND IMAGES OF JEFFREY DAHMER FOR SOME REASON.
Ok, this site is acting weird. I'll continue this list another time. Bye!
For whatever reason, as I scroll the hundreds (you get matched up to 500, FYI) of eligible dudes in the city, their profiles scream of cliches. Their chest-bearing pictured induce naseau. Day after day, I have to bite my tongue, or technically, hold my hands back from writing them and telling them just what exactly is wrong with their profile. But now that I have my own personal blog, I can spew forth all the pent up angst that has been building. Pent-up Profiling. This is going to be fun. So: Things That Make Your Profile Suck
1) You use the phrase "work hard and play hard" or worse, "work hard and play harder."
2) You feel the need to show pictures of you either topless, with another woman, or with you holding a baby. Yes, babies are cute. But you are trying to align with our biological clocks that are already ticking into overtime, and that is just plain mean.
3) You "can't believe you're doing this." Get over it, we all are. Don't you now that anyone who is anyone is doing it.
4) All your sentences start with "I." "I want to throw up all over you, how about that?!"
5) Your profile reeks with grammatical errors. "Alot" is two words damn it!! And there is a difference between their, they're and there.
6) You like women that are just as comfortable in a black tie dress as they are in jeans and a baseball cap. Personally, I like men that wear jeans with a black-tie jacket and a baseball cap.
7) You say you're funny. Back to my first bolg post. People who say they're funny aren't. Use another word- like unoriginal.
8) Your height, weight or age is listed in the paragraph describing yourself. Have some patience, dear profiler. If you scroll down to the next section, all your stats are listed. Saying them twice does not add that extra inch to your height.
9) You write in ALL CAPS. THIS BRINGS TO MIND IMAGES OF JEFFREY DAHMER FOR SOME REASON.
Ok, this site is acting weird. I'll continue this list another time. Bye!
posted by Does Debbie @ 10:48 AM
2 Comments:
At 4:10 PM,
Esther Kustanowitz said…
Oy, I feel your pain. And so do many others on the JDaters Anonymous blogroll. Come by and check us out sometime.
Best of luck!
At 10:24 AM,
Rye said…
Your blog is insanely good and is being enshrined in my list of blogs that don't suck.
I'm beginning to think I have a thing for the New York ladies.
Rye
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