Does Debbie

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Kissing Lessons

The evolution of kissing is quite similar to that of mankind. With the latter, man evolved from primal beast to sophisticated human. Granted, that didn't occur over night, or even over the course of 30 years. But there was improvement.

Kissing, or rather, one's style with kissing takes a similar route. I'm sure we can all remember the confused, awkward attempts during 6th grade parties. Then, of course, there were the "keep your tongue in the other person's mouth for minutes" phase in high school. College we were too drunk to kiss. And now in our adult, or post-college life, we have all mastered the kiss. The slow, not too much saliva, not too much tongue, not too long, use your lips kiss. I was proven wrong on that one, unfortunately.

A little while ago I was on a second date with Toad and I knew that the night was going to end with a little smooching. All the signs were there from the hand holding at dinner to the mention of future dates. This man was puddy. I was looking forward to the kiss. Given I was unsure of my feelings, the spark, or lack thereof would be a fantastic sign from the dating Gods.

The moment came. And I wanted to die. Toad broke all the rules. He did that gross "darting tongue" movement. I felt like an alien from "V." Talk about no sparks! There was definitely NOT going to be a third date with him. But Toad was a nice guy, and very cute, so I thought I would help him with this situation. I decided to give him kissing lessons.

Yup, I immediately pointed out his strengths and weaknesses, and we practiced until he got it right (thankfully it was under 20 minutes.) I made sure Toad understood when to use what kiss maneuver and for how long. I made sure that when he left that night no woman would ever have to experience what I went through.

Go get 'em Toad!


  • At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What does it mean when a man is "puddy"? Is it akin to "putty"?


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