Send in the Queer Eyes

I just don't get it. After 32 years of existence, of which 28 of them have been spent in and out of department stores, it is still the same. I'm referring to the god-awful lighting in the dressing rooms of department stores. Bloomingdales, Lord & Taylor, Sak's. It's all the same: fluorescent bulbs, not a virgin anymore white walls, too many mirrors.

Sure, the dressing rooms have enough space for an impromptu quickie (not that I would ever do that!) and plenty of hooks to hang clothing items. But what the hell is up with the FAT that explodes when the clothes come off. I mean, aren't these stores trying to SELL clothes? Don't they want us to feel good about shopping? How the hell is that supposed to happen when every cottage cheese dimple and imperfection in my ass and thighs reflects on 3 angling mirrors?

I would be willing to bet that sales would increase ten-fold if the dressing rooms got a make-over? How could some dorky Harvard B-students not have tested that one ever? Bring in 70-watt soft lighting! Paint those walls a warm shade of honey! Bring in those Queer Guys from Bravo!