Crap

It's been a while since I posted drunk. I'm due. After 3 glasses of sangria at Barca 18, I think I might qualify as drunk. Or at least slightly buzzed. I needed the alcohol tonight, Tuesday is always the perfect night to drink. The only thing on TV is American Idol, which I take pride in not watching. Sort of.

Anyway, back to my drunkenness. I went to dinner with a friend of mine who works at Us Weekly. Every time I see her, I leave with the best celebrity gossip. She did not disappoint tonight. According to the publicists that sit next to her at work:

1) Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are definitely in contract. Tom is as gay as the cab drivers stink. In fact, I was told that Tom dated Jann Wenner from Wenner media for a few years. And Jann does not have tits.

2) Josh Lucas is a total coke whore. Now this just sucks. He was up there with Matthew McConoughey as far as men that I would sleep with after drugging The Man.

3) Nicole Kidman has herpes. As does Paris Hilton. And I'm not referring to an occasional cold sore.

4) Penelope Cruz is a beard (I think that's what they call lesbians these days, right?)

5) The second love of my life, Matthew McConoughey, is really, really gay. Every time The Post writes about an actor secretly doing this... and that... it's A Time to Kill.

Ok, now I am off to Google, Perezhilton.com and IMDB to find out if what I am saying is true, or if I am looking at a slander lawsuit.