Expired
The problem with eating frozen yogurt for dinner is that frozen yogurt is not dinner. Sure, it tastes good, especially with peanut butter chips, but it is not real food. So naturally, I was hungry shortly after my Tasti D entree last night.
As I ruffled through my cabinet, Honey Bunches of Oats popped out at me. Nothing follows fro-yo as perfectly as a few handfuls of dried cereal (do I need to start dating or what?!) I grabbed the box and glaring at me, in addition to the chance to win free tickets to the circus, was a November, 2006 expiration date. Cereal? Processed, air-tight, dried flaky cereal expires within a year? Then it dawned on me: everything has an expiration date. When's mine?
No, I'm not getting mortally creepy here, I just felt an overwhelming sense of panic. Women have their peak "pretty." After that, not so much. What if I am about to expire, and have another 3 good months left? Does turning 33 have something to do with this feeling? Most things only are good for a few months or years anyway. Mascara: 6 months. Canned food: a few years. Mayonnaise: forever (except if it has bits of tuna in it, then you might want to throw it out every 5 years.) Ketchup: forever. Whew, I feel better.
As I ruffled through my cabinet, Honey Bunches of Oats popped out at me. Nothing follows fro-yo as perfectly as a few handfuls of dried cereal (do I need to start dating or what?!) I grabbed the box and glaring at me, in addition to the chance to win free tickets to the circus, was a November, 2006 expiration date. Cereal? Processed, air-tight, dried flaky cereal expires within a year? Then it dawned on me: everything has an expiration date. When's mine?
No, I'm not getting mortally creepy here, I just felt an overwhelming sense of panic. Women have their peak "pretty." After that, not so much. What if I am about to expire, and have another 3 good months left? Does turning 33 have something to do with this feeling? Most things only are good for a few months or years anyway. Mascara: 6 months. Canned food: a few years. Mayonnaise: forever (except if it has bits of tuna in it, then you might want to throw it out every 5 years.) Ketchup: forever. Whew, I feel better.
posted by Does Debbie @ 3:00 PM
7 Comments:
At 10:26 AM,
Anonymous said…
I hope you are not really worried about an expiration date. As far as I can tell you are prettier now than you have been. While I unfortunately have not had the chance to spend time with you (alone), I can tell you between the few times I have seen you and the incredible wit you regularly display here I am looking forward to the day that I can drop the anonymous disguise. Fret not, you are no way near your date of expiration or even your "sell by" date.
At 10:38 AM,
Anonymous said…
anon - stop playing these high school games and hiding under this veil of anonymity. what's the point?
At 11:57 AM,
Anonymous said…
Seriously, Suri, I mean Anon! Why hide?
At 3:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
suri - lol! love that!
At 3:12 PM,
Does Debbie said…
Ok, we have 4 anonymous people posting here... someone needs to speak up.
At 7:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
The first post was the anonymous that has been making you smile for the past few days...if only there was some way to reach out to you other than through your blog. But alas, that opportunity does not currently exist. SO I will fawn over you from afar and hopefully once you recover from The Fool we will be able to progress
At 12:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
I might as well go 'anonymous' here too. Seems to be all the rage.
It's my theory that women between the ages of 28 and 32 are COMPLETELY undatable. Obviously, I'm generalizing here, but women that age are after only one thing... marriage.
I find them completely them freaked out, so they then freak me out.
Under 28 is good for the obvious reasons. Over 32 is good because women realize there's more to life than being a wife. Women of this age are more independent and more willing to speak their minds.
Congrats for becoming datable again.
Of course, some women over the age of 32 are single because they're mean and nasty, or they're just plain fugly. To them, I say good luck.
To you, I say it's just a matter of time. Pretend you're on a plane. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride...
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