Does Debbie

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

My Crazy Mind

After breaking up with someone, it is only natural to analyze the course of the relationship. The warning signs. The red flags. It is so easy to map the pieces together and usually, it all makes sense. But it's even scarier when you look at all your past relationships, and see the same patterns again and again.

For me, my boyfriends are emotionally constipated. They can give. But it's not enough, even if they try and try. And it's not that I expect too much. I don't want to be put on a pedestal; I just want to be adored. But I settle for less. Again and again.

Of course, occasionally there comes along the man who is giving. He's genuine, and real, and gets me. He probably has emotional diarrhea, to continue to metaphor (or perhaps he's just regulated.)

And all I want to do is run.

It's hard to understand why I do this. Why I am so self-destructive. I spend hours wondering if the issue lies deep within my self-conscious, or if the person really is not just the one for me. Why I find a million and one things wrong with him, that are all so superficial, and fixable. Why I would settle for a man who I have to fight for love, versus jumping for joy to meet someone that actually has love to give.

And if I am ever going to change?

10 Comments:

  • At 2:35 PM, Blogger ButterSnatch said…

    sounds like someone's got commitment issues...

    or am i WAY off base?

     
  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger Does Debbie said…

    Hmmm. Might be. Anyone else care to weight in? please?

     
  • At 3:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Debbie my dear, as I told you last time we were in the lift to your flat, it is all about managing your expectaions. A woman will be happy if she focuses on getting the "three p's" from a man. A man should provide, protect and penetrate. Everything else you can get from your girlfriends.

     
  • At 3:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "After breaking up with someone..."

    ???

    I thought HE broke up with YOU.

     
  • At 3:17 PM, Blogger ButterSnatch said…

    3-P's, never heard of them. the 4-F's, i've heard of.

    Find em'
    Feel em'
    Fuck em'
    Forget em'

    Might be a little more up your alley;-)

    I don't purport to know you, but it doesn't sound like you're quite ready to settle down (or are you)...

     
  • At 4:58 PM, Blogger Tracy said…

    I think when you're ready for the real thing, the little things that you want to fix about the wrong guy, will be insignificant with the right one. That's when you turn around and say "oh, shit! I've grown up! How the hell did that happen?" We get to the point where we want to be respected and cared for and see that niceness that was a turn off before as a really great quality instead. It will happen... we all seem go through the same thing, or at least I did.

     
  • At 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why is it that I feel the need to express my thoughts when our Debbie suffers through another emotional trauma? While that is one that I can ponder at a different point, for now I will merely provide my thoughts, even if they are not well received. Debbie, please remember that you are a truly wonderful woman. Clearly intelligent, fun and a very good writer. Perhaps the problem is not you, but rather the guys that you date. While I am not so bold as to think that you and I would be a good match, I may hypothesize that you have not met your best match yet. While I do not have the life experiences of others that comment, I have learned that relationships that are tough in the beginning never really have a chance. A relationship should be easy, it should be fun. There should not be tension, or pain, but rather easy smiles. At this stage everyone has baggage, the key thing is finding someone who has baggage that compliments your baggage. Most importantly, think of the characteristics and traits that you value in a friend...honesty, openess, easyness and most importantly a relaxed attitude (yes, I know that in our little interraction that I did not provide those things)....and base our dating choices in that regard. Is the guy that you spend an evening drinking with or having dinner with someone that you want to walk in the park with or go to a yankee game? Is it someone that you just want to hang out with. He may not be the coolest, cutest or nicest....but, as long as you love spending time with him, does that matter?

    Remember, you are a great girl and will make some guy VERY happy. Please do not second guess yourself.

     
  • At 11:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hahaha, nice try Mr. Anon. I think you totally misread Debbie's post. She was saying that this new guy IS all those great things you are describing. And yet she finds her self running. Self-sabotoging, if you will. But I appreciate your bold attempt at re-inserting your presence into Debbie's dating life. :-)

     
  • At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    D
    Never in my life have i replied to a blog. What you are describimh is really the most common dysfunction in our warped environment. I have been there for many years and i learned how to let myself love and be loved. If you want to learn more I can explain but not for public consumption.

     
  • At 12:20 PM, Blogger Does Debbie said…

    Thank you, last anonymous poster. I would love to hear your story. You can email me at dbf973@aol.com. Thanks, D.

     

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