Reflections

I'm going to make a very controversial statement here: people are single because they choose to be so, not because they haven't met the one.

It has taken me some time to get to this conclusion, and I truly don't believe that we are all just passing time and dating (or being single) until our soulmates come along. Be it at age 26, 32 ar 39. Rather, the decisions we have made, the people we have chosen to date along the way, are steps in our roadmap. Had someone really wanted to get married to the person they dated in college, they would have.

Which leads me to now. 33 years old and not married. Reflecting on the men I have dated along the way, all which made me smarter about myself, but none which were headed towards marriage. Choosing to date the emotionally unavailable, the long-distance dreamer, the pot-smoking bore. Hearing, "it's not you, it's me" when it actually was me for choosing to stay with them as long as I did. For opening up my heart, because it was safe and one-sided.

But having this knowledge and sense of self is not any easier. Trying to break patterns. To let myself be treated well when I have no idea how to. To look at people for who they are, not the fantasy of what they could be. To accept someone for their faults, and to let someone see mine. Because the other option is unacceptable.