Letting Go
Every once in a while, a situation comes along that test one's character. I have been dealing with mine for the past six months, and failing miserably. I wrote about this once, but took it down quickly as it upset my sister. But this is not about my sister, this is about me.
My sister is dating this wonderful guy. He treats her like gold; I adore him. I am not going to say anything else about my sister or the guy she is dating.
Except that I dated his brother. Back in 2001. We had gone to pre-school together and twenty-five years later were re-introduced one fall weekend. We hit it off immediately and so began our long-distance relationship (I was in NY, he was in DC.) We saw each other every other weekend for a few months; we spoke daily. Until.
Until he went to a wedding in Florida and never called. And then made excuses when he came back about why he never called. And then broke up with me, the day before Valentine's Day. The day before I was supposed to visit him. And bad-mouthed me to his friends, which I saw first hand on his fantasy league website (his fault for logging in on my computer.) And lied to my face. And to make matters worse, he is married with an adorable child and I don't even have a strong prospect. I have dated a lot of men in my life, and this guy is the one I despise the most.
With all my heart, I want to let this go, for my sister's sake. Hell, I have forgiven the other assholes I have dated. But this one is hard; this one really hurt me. And I am scared to death that he might be a permanent presence in my life. Again, this has nothing to do with my sister. This is about me, and needing to let go of the anger. But I honestly don't know how.
My sister is dating this wonderful guy. He treats her like gold; I adore him. I am not going to say anything else about my sister or the guy she is dating.
Except that I dated his brother. Back in 2001. We had gone to pre-school together and twenty-five years later were re-introduced one fall weekend. We hit it off immediately and so began our long-distance relationship (I was in NY, he was in DC.) We saw each other every other weekend for a few months; we spoke daily. Until.
Until he went to a wedding in Florida and never called. And then made excuses when he came back about why he never called. And then broke up with me, the day before Valentine's Day. The day before I was supposed to visit him. And bad-mouthed me to his friends, which I saw first hand on his fantasy league website (his fault for logging in on my computer.) And lied to my face. And to make matters worse, he is married with an adorable child and I don't even have a strong prospect. I have dated a lot of men in my life, and this guy is the one I despise the most.
With all my heart, I want to let this go, for my sister's sake. Hell, I have forgiven the other assholes I have dated. But this one is hard; this one really hurt me. And I am scared to death that he might be a permanent presence in my life. Again, this has nothing to do with my sister. This is about me, and needing to let go of the anger. But I honestly don't know how.
posted by Does Debbie @ 9:51 PM
2 Comments:
At 2:08 PM,
Anonymous said…
Sure he has a wife and an adorable child, but YOU - you have the excellent possibility of spending your life with someone who's genuine, honest and appreciates you - and would never even think about bad-mouthing you to anyone - even if things didn't work out. You also have a great career, a great sister, great friends, a great new apartment and a great blog!! Should you have to face him - which it sounds like you will - just think, he has to face you, too! And HE is the one who should be mortified for acting like such a giant turd (and kicking himself for giving up the likes of you)! A wife and kid (no matter how cute) are nothing compared to dignity!
At 2:12 PM,
Chris said…
No explanation for his flakiness? I wish I could say it sounds unfathomable. Granted, it hasn't happened to me in the capacity of a girl I was romantically involved in any way, but having it happen with potential relationships kinda hurts too.
You're getting along fine, you don't sense anything is wrong, and then that day arrives that they don't write. They don't call. They don't respond to emails/TXT/phone messages, but they keep updating their MySpace/Facebook/blog so you know they're still breathing.
Then the questions. What did I do wrong? What did I say? If they got bored, is it so hard to say so? If they fell in love and were forced to cut ties with all members of the opposite sex, couldn't they at least sneak a goodbye email?
They all haunt me, make me second-guess everything I say and the types of things I open up to people about. My only advice is to not focus on this "progress" you think he's made, just because he's married with children doesn't mean he's happy.
Do what you can to convince yourself of the truth: he flaked on you, he's the one with communication and relationship problems. That's the best you can hope for I suppose. And maybe one day I'll follow my own advice.
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