Does Debbie

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Off the Wagon

I fell off the wagon today. I caved and went on another jdate. He was cute, with the slightest dimples when the smiled, with dark hair and eyes, like me. Perhaps it is narcissistic, or just weird, but I prefer guys that also have dark hair and dark eyes. The more someone would think we were brother and sister, the better.

Anyway, this particular date and I had broken the cardinal rule of internet dating: we foreplayed our meeting. Meaning- we emailed, which led to frequent IMing, and then a one-hour phone conversation. We flirted, took the conversation in many different directions, and built up hope. We should have kept the chit chat short and just made a plan to meet.

Physically, our date was all that I could have hoped. I wanted to lick the Mimosa off his lips. I secretly hoped he would pin me against a building as we left the restaurant, and kiss me passionately (clearly this chick is in a dry spout!)

Unfortunately, this date was scum. He asked about my "shaving," stared at my tits, and told me repeatedly how horny he was. He told me he had masturbated this morning. When I joked about him coming to a wedding with me, he held it contingent on my "talent" in a certain area of bed. He might have been kidding, but he was cruder than Andrew Dice Clay.

Seriously, can it get any worse??


  • At 3:03 PM, Blogger Paige Jennifer said…

    You totally played this wrong. You should've licked your lips and purred as you glanced at his crotch. Told him not only were you shaved but wet. And when you had convinced him things were on the up and up, you should've reached over, grabbed him between the legs, sighed in disappointment, stood up and thrown down a $20 before sauntering out the door.


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