Does Debbie

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Opthomologist

I think I have more doctors than friends. Or maybe it's just that I see my doctors more than some of my friends. At least this week I do. With 7 more days of work left here, I scheduled appointment with all my doctors, in case they don't take the new health insurance that comes with the new job. So I have my annual physical on Friday and had an appointment with the icky doctor this morning. And no, I am not referring to the gyno or the dentist.

I went to the eye doctor.

Now, having had glasses since I was five years old, and contacts since I was fourteen, I have become accustom to seeing the opthomologist annually. Yet, over the years, I have never felt any more comfortable in their offices. There is something very creepy about staring into the doctors eyes, or staring at a weird spot on his ear while he stares into my eyes. Or worse, when he leans in closely to flip the lenses on that huge white machine, I can smell his breath and see his nose hairs. I seriously thought I was going to knee him in the balls this morning. Oh god, what if he had an erection?!

And if that's not bad enough, I always feel like I failed the test when I can't read those minuscule letters of the wall. The O looks like the D. Is that an A or an H?? Grrl. I got over 1200 on my SATs and yet I can't read 5 letters in a row. Even when the doctor says, "how 'bout now?" I still can never read the letters. And to make me feel better, the doctor rewards me with a free bottle of saline solution. Woo-hoo. I would rather have a fucking lollipop.


  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger Paige Jennifer said…

    I almost shot banana out my nose when I got to the nose hair, breath and kneeing part. Thanks.

    I always stress out when they flip the lenses back and forth and ask me to identify #1 or #2 as the clearer view. Half the time they're the same. I swear. I know they're just pulling a mindfuck with that so called test.


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