Does Debbie

Monday, April 30, 2007

More Random Thoughts

So I was at my good friend Brett's birthday party Saturday night when I ran into someone I know I from my home town. Besides kissing him in high school, we hadn't had much interaction over the years, with the exception of linking to each other's Friendster and MySpace pages. Therefore, I was taken aback when he asked about my blog. Actually, it was more pressure. The need to write in this thing once a day, which I have clearly not been doing. He heard I was a great writer. Ugh, more pressure.

Also this weekend, I was at a bris for the son of my friend. And the debate began over the plural of bris. When one has five friends giving birth to boys this year, is she going to five Brises? Five Brie? Five Who Gives a Shit What They're Called Penis Cuttings?

Sticking with the theme of this weekend, I tried something new: I meditated. No, I am not going all new-age, The Forum, Ashram-seeking spiritual. Rather, I became engrossed with the latest book I am reading, Eat, Pray, Love. In this memoir, the author achieved a sense of self-love and peace through meditation of which, frankly, I was jealous. I even gave myself a mantra, which I practiced in yoga and before going to sleep. And no, I am not telling you what it is... yet.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Sure Beats the Bar

I feel like I have been on 200 first dates in the past ten years or so. I mean, you have to take out the 18 months I was with The Man, the 18 months I was with Jeff, and probably another 24 months of committed 3-8 month relationships. Actually, I have no idea whether it was 100 or 200, but the point is, I have had my share of first dates.

And while nothing beats the smooth taste of a chilled Savignaun Blanc gliding down my throat, first dates in bars are somewhat of a cliche. Let's grab drinks. Let's drink to ease the pressure of meeting a total stranger. Let's drink so I find you attractive. Let's drink and make out (like that happens on a first date!)

Anyway, I think I have mastered the art of the non-bar first date. While it is rude to suggest where to go when the guy is asking you out, sometimes you just have to. You just do.

So, here are a few highlights of non bar dates that were, surprisingly, much better than the companionship of my good friend, Wine.

1) Church of Scientology on 42nd Street (you can get stress tested together and take a tour! The highlight of this date was when being showed L. Ron Hubbard's office, my date asked if he works out of it often. Um, L. Ron Hubbard is dead.)

2) Tattoo parlor. No we didn't get them, but I wanted one at the time and we browsed the numerous catalogues and wall art.

I'll share a few more later.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Change Does Good

I know you're all going to get tired of reading on and on about my new found happiness, but as a born depressant, I am going to relish this feeling as long as I can. I think I reached a new high after this past weekend. And it all has to do with my new apartment. Now, while I think the inside of the new digs is fantastically charming and calming, I am going to continue to brag about it's location. Freakin' across the street from Central Park. And not just any block of the park, the entrance to the park (one block south from my apt) takes you directly to Sheep's Meadow, Manhattan's own summer share (sans the pools, and the beach, and the really bad Long Island accents.)

This past weekend alone I ran in the park, rode my bike in the park, hung out with friends and family in the park (Saturday and Sunday) and had a blind date in the park. If I have to go to the bathroom while basking in the sun in the Meadow, it is faster for me to run home then wait in line for the public bathroom. It can't get better than this!

However, there is a downside to living in such a perfect location: the price of my dry cleaner. I was raped there this morning, on my way to work. $30 to hem two pairs of pants. Seriously, if I had an ounce of domesticity in me, I would pull out a needle and thread and hem the fuckers myself. Oh well, the price for happiness....

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


The strangest thing has happened: I have been happy lately. Now, there have been many days and nights that I have thought I was happy, but at the end of the day (or night) I was masking behind other feelings. Like anger, frustration, jealousy. Either I was mad at the world for being single, or mad at myself for being single.

But ever since I moved to my new apartment and started my new job, I have been obnoxiously happy. I jump out of bed in the morning and can't wait to get to work. I have fun plans at night, like film festivals and award dinners. I love walking up the subway stairs, with my keys in my hand, knowing that my apartment is 50 steps away.

And the best part of this sugary feeling: there is not a man in sight. I mean, nothing. Not one freaking date, not one remote prospect. (I still like The Patriot but we all know he lives in Boston.) I am so sexless at the moment that I don't even remember the last time I had sex. And I could care less.

Friday, April 13, 2007

A NY Times Article of Interest

How Don’t I Love Thee?
By John Tierney

Let us count the ways.
By watching speed daters and online daters, social scientists have minutely calculated what turns people off (and activates their Flaw-O-Matics, the topic of my
Findings column). They’ve consistently found different levels of pickiness in men and women.

When Robert Kurzban and Jaspon Weeden of the University of Pennsylvania
studied more than 10,000 American customers of HurryDate — a company that gathers a couple of dozen people at a time for a round robin of three-minute speed dates — the psychologists found that, on average, a woman got a “yes” from about half the men she met (meaning that the guy would like to go out with her). But a man, on average, got the thumbs-up from only a third of the women.

A study of speed daters in Germany showed that women were not only pickier than men but also more realistic about their own appeal in the dating market. Correctly divining that men put a premium on looks, the more attractive women set a higher bar for their partners than less attractive women did. But the German men set about the same bar for their partners no matter what they looked like themselves or how successful they were professionally.

These German men apparently cast their nets as wide as possible to take advantage of what the researchers call the “low mate-choice costs” — the chance to ask out a lot of women without getting any embarrassing face-to-face rejections. (Speed daters mark their choices on a scorecard and are told later which partners were interested in them.) The researchers — Peter Todd of Indiana University; Lars Penke of Humboldt University in Berlin; Alison Lenton of the University of Edinburgh, and Barbara Fasolo of the London School of Economics — conclude:

The overall pattern of results thus suggests that low mate choice costs lead men to satisfy their variety preference by indifferently choosing any woman who falls above a minimal condition threshold, while women stayed choosy and appeared to fine-tune social-comparison processes to the situation (meaning, in this context, that their mate-value sociometer mainly reflected their physical attractiveness), adjusting their mate choices accordingly.

Women have less of a “variety preference” — they’re more interested in a long-term partner — and they’re concerned with a lot more than looks. They want a partner who’s at least as educated as they are, whereas education isn’t as important to men, according to a
study of more than 20,000 online daters by Gunter Hitsch, Ali Hortacsu and Dan Ariely.
The researchers found that blonde women have a slight advantage in the online market, while red-headed men are at a moderate disdavantage. But no matter what men look like, they can help compensate by making money. By tracking the success of online daters, the researchers calculated precisely how much extra income a man had to make (relative to the average man’s income of $62,500 per year) to offset a less than ideal attribute. Some of their findings:

Suppose you’re an ordinary-looking guy whose online picture is ranked around the median in attractiveness. (In the study, the ratings of attractiveness were done by independent male and female observers hired by the researchers.) And suppose you’d like to be as successful with women as a guy whose picture is ranked in the top tenth. Then you’d need to make $143,000 more than him. If your picture is ranked in the bottom tenth, you’d need to make $186,000 more than him.

Similarly, according to the study, a 5-foot-0 guy would need to make $325,000 more than a 6-foot-0 man to be as successful in the online dating market. A 5-foot-4 man would need $229,000; a 5-foot-6 man would need $183,000; a 5-foot-10 man would need $32,000. And if that 6-foot-0 man wanted to do as well as a 6-foot-4 man, he’d need to make $43,000 more.
For women in the online study, shorter is better. A 5-foot-6 women would need to make $59,000 more than a 5-foot-0 or 5-foot-2 woman to do as well. She’d need to make $50,000 more than a 5-foot-4 woman.

Not surprisingly, both sexes care a lot about their partners’ weight — and they pay close attention to the categories used in the online profiles. As the researchers report: “Members who are ‘chiseled’ and ‘toned” receive slightly more first-contact e-mails than ‘height-weight proprotionate’ users, while ‘voluptuous/portly’ and ‘large but shapely’ members experience a sizable penalty.”

Also not surprisingly, the researchers found that online daters weren’t especially frank about their own shortcomings. Fewer than 1 percent rated themselves as having “less than average looks.” Which suggests that at least 48 percent of them turned off their Flaw-O-Matics whenever they looked in the mirror.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


My issue with control is not a new one. From my early childhood fears of throwing up (a fear rooted in control) to being the first born older-sister aka the bossy one to never getting totally wasted, I have always exhibited my sense of control.

Sure, there are certain things I just can't control. Like farting after eating too much broccoli, or the weather on vacation. And I deal accordingly.

But what is the most annoying is realizing my power to change my life in so many ways, but unable to control the one piece I crave the most. I know, I know, how nauseating- another post about dating and finding someone, but bear with me. In 2007 I decided I wanted to overhaul my life: new job and new apartment to boot. Within three months I accomplished exactly what I set out to do, and feel super proud about my determination and subsequent success.

On the other hand, that same passion and goal setting results in zip, zada, zilch on the love front. I am powerless and I'm not in control. And frankly, it sucks. I want someone to break in my new apartment with, and to tell about how great my new job is. To explore the numerous restaurants with me in my new neighborhood. To go for runs with in the park on the weekends. To share the joy and happiness I have in my life right now.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


I know, I know. I haven't posted since March 28th and I commpletely suck. But I do have some good excuses. Well, I didn't have laptop access for several days, and then I started my new job and was kind of busy the first week (actually, I am still very busy, but felt you all deserved a quick entry. Especially Jen and Sherri, my most loyal readers that are not related to me.) And, I closed on my apartment and moved. So yes, I am busy.

But all is good. I love the new job and apartment, although I slept like shit my first night there. Nothing new on the guy front. I ran into The Man at a party last Saturday night, and he sent me a text at 1:45am asking if I was up. When I asked him the next day what the deal was with the late-night text, he claimed to have a funny story to tell me. Hmmmm. Maybe his story was that he realized what a drastic mistake he made by letting me walk away.

And I am still talking to The Patriot. We went gambling at Mohegan Sun a few weeks ago.

But my writing skills are sucking ass and I just don't have a lot of time for Does Debbie. Give me a few weeks, I promise to share the love again when things settle down.

Hope everything is going well with you all.