Does Debbie

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The 3 Little Words

There often comes a time in a romantic relationship when you want to tell the other person just exactly how you're feeling. You feel it in the pit of your stomach, and it might even send surges into your heart. You get so overwhelmed with the feeling that you just can't keep it inside anymore. You might wonder just how your partner will react: will they get scared and run away? Do they feel the same thing? Is it too soon in our relationship to tell them this?

Saying those 3 words makes yourself vulnerable by sharing something so intimate. Quite often, you think about saying it in a post-orgasm glow, especially if the fornication came after an expensive, romantic dinner.

You want to whisper those 3 little words:

I've got gas.

My Resume

1. Neighborhood babysitter
2. Ice Rink Snack Shop/Skate Rental/Guard/Tickets
3. Winter Seasonal Sales at Bxxx (can't remember the name. Sold men's clothes.)
4. Winter Seasonal Sales at Express
5. Telemarketer for shady window company (pun intended as I was paid cash)
6. Day Camp Counselor (fun job but day camp blows)
7. Snack Bar Burger Flipper (lasted 2 days)
8. Lifeguard at local country club
9. Sales at Gourmet Shop in candy/coffee department (gained 10 pounds and 4 cavities)
10. Lifeguard at new housing development (fired when they found a rat in the gutter)
11. Sleepover camp counselor (can't believe I got paid to get drunk all summer)
12. Syracuse University's on-campus florist/gift shop (fired after 1 day. Begged for another chance and worked there for 3 years. Was Assistant Manager my Junior Year)
13. Sales at Structure
14. Filed at my father's law firm
15. Temporary job sorting mail (found new appreciation for people who punch in and out)
16. Assistant Media Planner at Lowe & Partners (promoted to Media Planner)
17. Media Planner at Publicis/Bloom (I called it Pubic Hair Bloom and cried every day)
18. Assistant Account Executive at FCB (promoted to Account Director)
19. Director of Volunteer Services at Nino's, 9/11 volunteer operation
20. Client Services Manager at Bigfoot Interactive
21. Co-Founder of JAQK Magazine (
22. Temporary receptionist at film company (was trying to launch JAQK)
23. Temporary data entry at media reporting company (see above)
24. Marketing Manager at Digitas (promoted to Associate Director)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

No Sex in the City

About a decade ago, when I was just beginning my career in advertising, I was given a free book as graff (aka gifts to get your business.) One of those gifts happened to be a new book entitled Sex and the City. I was immediately intrigued. I lived in the city. I liked sex. How bad could this book be?

Bad. However, what led to my negative feelings might have been the blatant desperation that came through by each of the protagonists, on each of the pages. These women weren't embracing their sexuality- they were approaching 40 and shouting for mercy. They didn't embrace being single- they feared it.

Flash forward several years and Sex and the City is one of HBO's top programs. We are on a first name basis with Samantha, Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte. Sunday night TV is not just an activity- it turns into girl parties. It lasts for 6 or so wonderful years. And then it's over.

Even though SATC airs every Tuesday and Wednesday on TBS, something changed. And I am not talking about the minimal sex and deletion of the F bomb. I began to see just how annoying Carrie is, and for one reason: her puns.

If you love the show, then stop reading now, as I promise that once you begin to listen to her corny sense of humor, your skin will crawl with every line the poor character utters. Dating short men to her would be a "hobbit habbit." She doesn't just love date Jewish men from Long Island, she dates "bagels with cream cheese." Make it stop!

Focus on Samantha's orgasms, Charlotte's naivity, or Miranda's red hair. Just don't listen to Carrie. Her puns are not fun.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Super Heroes

It's kind of weird to say, but comic book heroes are all the rage. Spiderman, the X-Men, Batmam, even Catwoman have, for better or worse, have all made it to the silver screen recently. And this invasion does not stop with the movies. AquaMan was on a recent episode of Entourage, and it probably won't be long before we see Superman on Broadway.

So, I can't say it came out of left field when I was asked the other night what super hero I could be. I'll be more specific: what magical powers could I create using my existing personality and skill set.

We're going to keep this G-rated folks, so don't even think that... This was a challenge. It's not like I am a great sleeper and could use the power of sleep to knock the criminals in the world unconscious (Matt's idea.) And while I have a good memory, I don't think I could remember the details of every crime scene to put all the bad guys behind bars.

I was running out of ideas. I was getting desperate. I threw out the first thing that came to mind- my ability to match make. Jobs, relationships, apartments, you name it. I have matched friends and family up with all of them. I would be YentaWoman. I would help criminals find happiness by setting them up with the perfect man or woman. I would bring love to this world, erasing all evil.

Yes, I have definitely gone off the deep end.