Does Debbie

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Today is the last day of January, thank god! A new month, with new changes. January really blew. I can already tell that February is going to be better: I made an offer on an apartment and it was accepted! I might be a home owner! More details to come when I get deeper into the contract phase.

However, I spoke to The Man for an hour today. You guys are the only ones that know. He bought an apartment a year or so ago, and being a smart financial guy, I knew he would be full of smart ideas for the apartment. He was. He was also funny, kind, and all the other things that I used to love about him. He slipped a few times and called me "babe" which felt good for a nanosecond, until I realized that he will be calling someone else that name at some point. I promised to focused FORWARD so that wasn't a smart move, but it's not like I went over his apartment drunk one Saturday night, right?

Speaking about people with commitment and/or intimacy issues, I read a good book, that just hit the market. Guys, you an tune out at this point, it's a chick self-help book written by a friend of a friend (Being a "writer" I got an advanced copy.) I must say that Kiss and Run
was scarily true. Women have commitment issues as well. There are a few quizzes that tell you what makes you so afraid of a meaningful relationship. Go buy it if you're curious. If you're married, this book is clearly not for you.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Payback is a Bitch

So Sunday morning, around 10:30, my best friend from high school, Kim, drove into the city to meet me for brunch. I was planning to go see an apartment around noon, and was looking forward to a quick bite with my dear friend. Kim called as she was approaching my building, telling me she was looking for parking and would be up in a sec.

Thirty minutes later, Kim had still not found a parking spot. Amazingly, she was still calm (she's not a New Yorker), but I was growing increasingly frustrated. I offered to go downstairs and help her look for a spot. Within seconds of exiting my apartment, I found a beautiful, vacant space on 3rd Avenue. Immediately, I jumped into the street, stood in the spot and dialed Kim with the exciting news. She was less than half a block from the spot. We were in luck!

As you probably already guessed, before I could look up to thank the parking gods, a livery car practically plowed me down. "You can't save spots," he gruffly yelled. I pleaded very nicely with the man, pointing to Kim's car, which had since approached, and asking him to please find another spot. His kindness was as strong as his English.

"Sir, please. My friend is behind you. Can you please find another spot?" (no.) "I'm saving this spot, my friend is right behind." (no.) "Sir, can you please not be an asshole?" I knew with that last word that any chances of him abandoning the spot vanished. But it felt so good to use a bad word.

"What did you just say? What was that word?" he barked back.

"I asked you to please not be an asshole and to let us have the spot." By this point, he had successfully maneuvered into the spot and put the car into park.

"You know what, you are an asshole" I uttered, and walked away.

Kim seemed amused by the interaction, a counter to my frustration. But rather than immediately search for another spot, Kim had another solution. She circled the block once, pulled over, put the car in park, and whipped out a pad of lined paper. With a black ballpoint pen, she instructed me to write NOT NICE : ( in large, scrawled ink. She then took the piece of paper, and covered each of the letters with thick pink lip gloss. I think it even smelled like bubble gum.

Kim darted out of her car, ran over to the livery cab, and stuck the sticky, oily vindication on his windshield. She walked calmly back to the car, and gave me her best McDreamy wink.

Revenge has never tasted sweeter. (it didn't help out parking situation unfortunately. We drove downtown and it took us another thirty minutes to find a spot. Oh well.)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Blue Monday

January 22nd is the saddest day of the year, according to experts. The combination of the cold weather, un-achieved New Year's resolutions, and unpaid Christmas bills culminate in this one day of despair. Ironically, January 22nd is The Date's birthday, ha! (But in keeping with my resolutions, I am not talking about the past anymore.)

All to cliche, I fell a victim of Blue Monday. Well technically, it was Blue Thursday and Blue Saturday, two days this week in which I ended up in tears. No, it wasn't due to debt (don't have any) or not accomplishing my New Year's resolutions, but the weather definitely played a starring role. But the truth is, I just felt lonely those days.

I am normally an independent woman. I love spending time alone, with my interests and hobbies. Even in the best of relationships, I cherish "me time." I think I have just been spending a little too much me time. It's hard to motivate to go outside when it is 19 degrees out. When it's freezing, I want to curl up in my fleece and watch TV. But the problem is, when it's cold and dark and January,
I don't want to be alone.

Oh, please don't feel bad for me. I did, and that got me nowhere. I tried a different approach last night: I went out with new friends and got drunk. While probably just as unhealthy, it was fun! The guys were into me; I looked hot. I felt good and social and me again. So while it's hard to motivate to go out in the dead of winter, I just have to remember that the other option is worse. Far worse.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Small World, Act 1

The cell phone rings at 11:14pm and she sees an unfamiliar mobile number appear. Normally she doesn't answer these types of calls, but she was having trouble falling asleep anyway.

She: Hello?
He: Hi, it's X.

She thinkgs for an uncomfortable second who X is and then realizes that he is a potential suitor she gave her number to the week before.

She: (small talk)
He: (small talk)

He: So where do you work?
She: ____
He: No, way! I used to work there years ago!
She: Too funny. What accounts did you work on??
He: AT&T Wireless. Actually, one of my best friends still works there. But it's a large company so you might not know her.
She: Who?
He: _______ ___________

She: That's my boss.

An awkward pause fills the air. She knows he will ask his friend about her He knows she will ask her boss about him.

He: (small talk)
She: (small talk)

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Another Suitor

I don't want my blog to evolve into my dating diary, but as of late, I have gotten some incredibly interesting emails from potentail online suitors. Here's another good one:

Dear Debbie,

To be upbeat is a wonderful trait
Leaning forward at your best
The way you express it on your page
Head and shoulders above the rest.

My heart is open for you and yours
I'll hope to hear but will not plead
If we hit it off you'll know I'm yours
When the U-boat book I'll read.

-XX from Philly

Love the originality. But not looking to date a 44-year old in Philly.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sunday Thoughts

1) My past continues to haunt me. In addition to my Christmas Eve run-in (and coffee a week later) with The Man, I received a text from him last weekend. Something reminded him of me... he wanted to wish me luck on the Ravens... Like an idiot, I wrote back, a few times, and even prayed that he would come around. Then, on Thursday night, The Date called, one month later, to apologize for how he acted when things ended with us. I happened to be sitting next to my client and my direct report in focus groups in New Jersey, so clearly I was not in a position to hear his plea. Geez! My past is really annoying me.

2) So I went shopping in Soho yesterday, in desperate need of new bras. Is that too personal to share? Not sure so if so, sorry. But it's not like I outgrew them or anything, they just stretch out after prolonged use. I am a huge fan of Victoria Secret's IPEX ($42 each- crazy!) and wanted a few more. I get to the store and they are SOLD OUT of my size. How can Victoria's Secret be out of bras? Isn't that like the supermarket being out of food? Not one fucking IPEX bra in my size, in any color.

3) I also tried the coolest marketing ploy EVER at Sephora. They have this new machine that computer analyzes your skin, including your skin elasticity, sun damage, and whiteness of your teeth. I found out that I have 10 fine lines (10 more than I would like,) almost perfectly white teeth, great skin elasticity, but need to drink more water. In an attempt to get ride of aforementioned fine lines, I spent $68 on eye cream, and to prevent further sun damage, I spent $40 on tinted moisturizer.

4) It's kind of annoying. Everyone I know that reads this blog tells me how funny I am, how much they like "my voice," how they can't believe I am still single, you get the point. So if you think I am so damn great, do me a favor, would ya: set me up. I am over online dating and am not into the bar scene much anymore. I promise not to blog about the date, unless they do something either unbelievably romantic, or unbelievably stupid.

Friday, January 19, 2007

The Joys of Singlehood

Online dating can be fun. You meet quality men, and a few not so quality. Guys that turn out to be life-long friends, and guys that turn out to be stalkers. Lovers. Assholes. Weirdos. And then an email comes along that just makes you want to take yourself offline quicker than one can say G-E-T M-E M-A-R-R-I-E-D!

"Hello. I’m writing to express an interest in you and tell you enough about me in hopes of a response. I found you by searching for woman who make more than 100K per year or have a graduate degree. Not that I’m a gold digger or anything. Subtract out the taxes, student loans and insurance and you probably really don’t make that much. It’s just that I really want to find a career minded woman who is smart and can take care of herself. I possess an earned doctorate and haven’t had a romantic relationship in many years so, in a larger sense, I’m a little fearful. Hopefully, I can come out of my shell if you exercise a little patience and kindness on my behalf. In return, well . . . you’ll see.

I currently live with no debt (other than mortgages), perfect credit, and a calm demeanor; and would hope you are the same since I’d like to invest equally in another home sometime in the future. I derive some of my income from rental properties I own so my life is great in that I work when I want. I’m not rich by today’s standards but I don’t work allot of hours either. My profile says I like allot of things (theatre, galleries, live music) but I won’t do any of those activities alone. I need a partner. I’m good at research and writing, possess many business skills, and hope together we could live as good or better than my current lifestyle. In addition, I seem to have a high sense of morals and ethics with regard to my character. I’m thinking it comes from being a first generation American. Both my parents were immigrants to this country but I was born and raised here so I’ve internalized different cultural values than most. It would be nice to be with a woman who understands what I mean.

My plan is to find a compatible woman and live together or get married. I’m open to having kids but need to have a solid foundation of trust first. I’ve never been divorced and plan to stay married as long as I make my perspective wife happy. As for my age, I’m 43, very healthy and not genetically predisposed to illness. I’m thin and exercise. I don’t smoke or drink (except for red wine) and my family members tend to live a long time. I look good and plan to stay that way.In conclusion, I hope you decide to email me and go out for dinner or coffee. I welcome your company and the possibilities we could offer each other. Sorry for this generic type email. I'll be original if you are interested and respond. Please respond here now or to XX at XXX." Sincerely, X"

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

When I Grow Up

My new friend in Philly, PJ, (we have never met, but from her blog, I can tell we would be good friends if she lived in NYC) tagged me. So to all you new readers, a tag means that I need to answer a question posed (which actually came from Stephanie in Miami.)

"If you could be something else other than what you are now in terms of your career, what would the top five or six choices be and why would you be good at these professions?" Hmmm, let me think...

1. A Producer for Dateline NBC. Considering I went to Syracuse's Communications School, this could have been an easy one for me to get had I decided to study TV rather than ADVERTISING. What the hell was I thinking? I love to travel, am very good at getting the story out of people, and can write. This job could have been a shoe-in.

2. An Actress. I can see my sister rolling her eyes as I type this. She was always the drama queen in the family, having the incredible ability to cry on cue. Which also got me into a lot of undue trouble as a kid. Regardless, I was runner-up for the narrator role in my high school play, when I was just a freshman. Since then, I've had potential, but never pursued. The only use of my acting skills is in the bedroom... Did I just say that aloud?!

3. A Lawyer. About once a week I debate taking the LSATs and decide that I am too old and too single to start over. Maybe if I had a nice, supportive husband I would pull the trigger, but I just can't afford to go back to school full time. As a liberal Democrat, I would want to work in government. Wait, is that an oxymoron?

4. A Writer. Full-Time and Paid. Yes, I am working on my first novel, but I hit a major roadblock at Page 100. And yes, I did have an agent a few years ago when my friend Karen and I were trying to get our Self-Help book published. And yes, people actually take time out of their day to read this blog. So there is hope. A little.

5. Professional Poker Player. I am totally serious about this one, and The Man used to say I had the skill set to succeed. So if anyone is ever up for a trip to AC, I'm game.

Ok, I am sending this one along to
Tick off Tracy. What would the rest of you do? Jeff, I know you would be a porn star.

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Ides of January

I'm going to make a blanket statement: January sucks. Well, at least January 2007 sucks. I'm not referring to the weather. Frankly, the weather is one of the only positive things going on in my life right now. It's January 15th, and I have already had one of the worst months ever. Ugh. I know I run the risk of coming off negative, a complainer, woe is me, but fuck it. I'm slightly hormonal and I don't give a shit what people think at this point. So, here are a few reasons why getting out of bed sucks lately:

1. The apartment I wanted fell through and I have yet to find another gem in the West Village that I can remotely afford. It's been 11 years and I am still living in Murray Hill/Gramercy.

2. The Ravens lost to the Colts. No Superbowl.

3. In attempting to watch aforementioned Ravens play Colts, I got scammed on Craig's List out of $400. Someone was selling two tickets. He sent me a link to a site that seemed legit where he sends the tickets to me, I send the money to 3rd party site, and only when I am satisfied with the tickets will the money go to the seller. Um, giant ploy.

4. I then spent another $200 to watch aforementioned Ravens lose to Colts.

5. My love life is pathetic. Yes, I am still chatting with The Patriot and like him, but he lives in Boston. Boston is not New York, the city in which I live. Boston does not allow for mid-week dates and sleepovers and movies, watching TV, and cooking dinner after a long day at work.

6. Oh, this is a good one. Three of my close friends/family announced their first pregnancy all within four days of each other. Literally, one told me on a Wednesday, the next one told me on Thursday, and the third one told me on Sunday. I am beyond thrilled for all of them and can't wait to be Aunt Debbie to these little ones, but come on. Everyone is moving forward with their life. I'm ready...

7. There is job stuff going on that I am not thrilled about. I don't want to talk about it here as people I work with read this, but work is another stressor at the moment.

To remain positive, I am going to focus all my efforts into the lives of others. It is beyond boring just dealing with me. So if anyone would like advice on any topic, I would be more than happy to talk about you. Seriously. It's all about you.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Anyone who knows me well knows that there is one thing in life that I am utterly, paralyzingly afraid of. No, it's not dying, spiders, or public speaking. I'm not even afraid that I may die alone with cats. My one fear in life: throwing up.

Not to gross you out, but vomiting petrifies me. And I'm not alone. Technically, it is called Emetophobia and tons of people have this fear. To answer the questions you might be thinking: the last time was in 8th grade, no I have never gotten sick from drinking- even in college and yes, I can't be near someone who is doing it.

So, what made me think of this today? A lead story in the news about how the stomach flu has doubled and tripled in numbers this year. The nasty bugger is more contagious than ever. A prison rejected new inmates because 500 prisoners had gotten sick. Professional athletes, kids, gynocologists- all home barfing.

I don't know what to do. I am seriously thinking about carrying around liquid sanitizer and using it every 10 minutes. Yes, my hands may fall off, but at least I will be germ-free. I'm also considering not leaving my apartment until March. I'm definitely not hugging anyone and kissing is completely out of the question. And I will not be spending time with my friends' children.

Ok, must go to bed. I'm starting to feel a little nauseaous....

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Major Oops

So around Christmas time, a suitor from Boston, we'll call him The Patriot, noticed me online. More details about him another time, but what you need to know is that I met The Patriot for the first time for brunch two ago. He was in town visiting friends.

The Patriot came to town again this past weekend and we spent some time together. Driving range, mini golf, a meal. Good times. However, at one point he was in my apartment and I took advantage of him. No, no, no, I am not referring to anything sexual, rather I needed someone to help me "flip" my mattress. Since buying my amazing Queen size bed 2+ years ago, I don't think I have flipped it from head to toe to balance out the weight. Which means that there has been a major sag on one side.

The Patriot has big muscles so I assumed he was able to tackle the job. He grabbed the handles and within a minute the bed was almost rotated. However, after lifting the mattress up, he placed it down, and bent down. He grabbed between my bed and the mattress, and handed me something he had found on the ground.

A pair of men's XL Calvin Klein boxers.

Oh my god, I wanted to die. I was mortified. What was worse was that I had no idea whose they were. Not because I have had many men in my bed, but rather, because I actually have NOT had many men in my bed. Like two in the past two years. By the size, I assumed they were The Man's, but I honestly don't remember him ever owning Calvin Kleins. He always wore 2Xist, or at least that is what I recall.

I tried to make a joke about the situation. I mean, come on, how Sex and the City was that? Then I told him the only thing that really came to mind, "hey, at least I have a good story for my blog."

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Where the Men Are

Admittedly, I have been on and off of Jdate for over seven years (fortunately more off than on, but just typing that made my matzoh ball soup dinner rise higher up my esophagus.) Yes, I have met some great guys from the site, but my most serious and longest term boyfriends were not from there. As you might recall, I met The Man at a party in a bar, I met Jeff at work, and I met Alex in Central Park (Sheep's Meadow to be exact.)

My point of this post is definitely not to draw attention to my roller coaster dating life, but rather to give advice to all single women out there: JDate and are not the only place to meet men. In fact, I found somewhere better, but please keep this between us.

(Home Depot)

Yup, in exploring the cabinetry, lighting fixtures and paint samples for my potential new apartment (we're crossing our fingers) I practically tripped over some damn good-looking men. And better yet, if they are in Home Depot then there is a good chance they are good with their hands (get your mind out of the gutter.) I strolled into the Hardware section, and was blown away by the amount of nuts there (you're still in that gutter, perv) and drills being examined by men. And these weren't just Brawny men types of guys, there were plenty of suits there. There were older men and younger men, gay (um, well, maybe not) and straight. And unlike the gym, it's not totally cheesy to ask for help with the equipment.

I was only there for 30 minutes and gave my number to two guys.

Just kidding, but a girl can dream.... Re-decorating this apartment is going to be fun!!

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year

I was convinced I was going to sit home last night, alone. I had received a few bottles of red wine, and a bottle of pink champagne for work holiday gifts, and I was more than happy to pop one open in front of Dick and Ryan. I had been invited to join a bevy of couples parties, and while I appreciated the offer, I passed.

I ultimately decided to grab dinner with my friend Shana and one of her girl friends. We decided that a low key dinner was exactly what we all had in mind. We went to Corner Bistro, where for $20, I had two vodka cranberries, a cheeseburger and fries. Love it!

Before we had headed out to dinner, however, Shana casually mentioned being invited to an apartment party in the West Village. A friend of a friend. There were going to be about 30 people, and it was around the corner from the restaurant. We decided to stop by after dinner, shortly before midnight.

Now, while the party wasn't anything outrageous, it was fun. The apartment was enormous, the alcohol was top shelf, and some guy was playing DJ on his Apple laptop. The people were all very friendly, including the host. We stayed until 1:15 or so, then called it a night.

Looking back, this New Year's would normally not stand it. Dinner and an apartment party. No big deal. However, whose apartment I was in kinda makes the story. It was none other than Topher Grace, star of That 70's Show, and the upcoming Spiderman 3. Kind of cool, right? Sure beats spending $150 to stand in line at a crowded cheesy club.