Does Debbie

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Blind Copy

Why is it that everything in life is a double-edge sword? Is there not one thing left sacred that can cause other people harm, without potentially bringing yourself damage??

The latest thing to bitch about: the blind copy feature on email.

Ahh, love it. This marvelous tool allows you to write heart-stopping words of evil to ex-boyfriends, and secretly copy all your friends so they can see what you are capable of. And you can forward jokes, evites and random spam to friends and family without them ganging up on you and telling you to "fuck off" in a reply-all. Blind copying rules.

However, just the other day I was exposed to its evils. Yup, my once favorite email friend turned postal on me. You see, there happened to be a budget issue and a co-worker was unhappy with the situation. To address the issue, he sent an email to me. Interestingly, there was no one on the cc list. How can that be??? Every work email has at least 6 people copied on it (gotta love that paper trail.) When no one is copied on your work email, it can only mean one thing: the blind copy. And when the content in the email is not one that will get you promoted, it can only mean one other thing:

Your boss was blind copied.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Send in the Queer Eyes

I just don't get it. After 32 years of existence, of which 28 of them have been spent in and out of department stores, it is still the same. I'm referring to the god-awful lighting in the dressing rooms of department stores. Bloomingdales, Lord & Taylor, Sak's. It's all the same: fluorescent bulbs, not a virgin anymore white walls, too many mirrors.

Sure, the dressing rooms have enough space for an impromptu quickie (not that I would ever do that!) and plenty of hooks to hang clothing items. But what the hell is up with the FAT that explodes when the clothes come off. I mean, aren't these stores trying to SELL clothes? Don't they want us to feel good about shopping? How the hell is that supposed to happen when every cottage cheese dimple and imperfection in my ass and thighs reflects on 3 angling mirrors?

I would be willing to bet that sales would increase ten-fold if the dressing rooms got a make-over? How could some dorky Harvard B-students not have tested that one ever? Bring in 70-watt soft lighting! Paint those walls a warm shade of honey! Bring in those Queer Guys from Bravo!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

43 degrees

So, another week in Minneapolis for work. While normally these trips are much anticipated (good food, good shopping, and a 42' flat screen in the hotel room,) the dreaded Minnesotta weather is arriving. It was 41 degrees when I woke up. And the sun wasn't even close to rising. And it was 7am. What is wrong with this picture?

My trip here has been uneventful, until last night. I was out for dinner with two co-workers, and in the back of the restaurant, I spotted two of my senior clients (VP level) at the bar. I said hello when they walked by. I walked over to their area to say good-bye after dinner. I was coerced into staying.

You see, aforementioned clients were out celebrating the new guy's birthday. He was 35. They had been drinking for hours, and I think they needed a woman in their presence to add some humor to the conversation.

The next thing I know, VPs are making me do shots. Yup. shots. And they're grilling me about Matt. They wanted to call him. Geez! They asked me about my family relationships, my dating history, my thoughts on marriage. I'm surprised they didn't ask when I lost my virginity!

Fortunately, I was able to sneak out and go back to the hotel room. But if the clients ever don't like our ideas, I can always remind them of the "Desperate Housewife" shot they drank. Which was pink and very fruity.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Cable Guy- a True Story

K: "Hi, I was just thinking about you."
D: "What were you thinking?"
K: "That we haven't spoken in so long."

D: "Well that's why I called you. What's new?"
K: "Things are getting hot and heavy with the cable guy. He is easily in the top 3 for oral sex. It is amazing."
D: "You are seriously still dating your cable guy? Does he 'push your buttons?'" (bad joke on my end)

K: "But I have a problem. He is on the smaller side of average. I don't think I can deal with that."
D: "Do you get free channels at least?"
K: "No. Bullshit, right?"

Monday, October 10, 2005


Too tired from my weekend trip to Vegas for Stacey's bachelorette party. More to come later this week, including pictures of the Sumo wrestlers staying at our hotel for the World Championship.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Nail Salon Hardsell

To most New York women, going to the nail salon is not just for the upcoming wedding or vacation; it is a weekly or bi-weekly ritual. The root of this probably has less to do with the high-maintenance mindset of a woman, but rather that the prices are so damn cheap. $19.99 for a mani/pedi Monday- Wednesday is unheard of.

Usually the experience is a relaxing one. The leg massage during the pedicure, the soapy warm water for the manicure. It's great. The manicurists usually don't speak English, so you can read the latest Us Weekly in silence, as your back vibrates in the psuedo massage chair/pedicure stall. However, yesterday, my manicurist was anything but silent.

"Would you like a massage?" was how it all began as she saw my eyes roll to the back of my head while she gently rubbed my feet.

"$10 for 15 minutes." This woman must have been on commission.

"Would you like quick dry?" $1 extra. "You have a very pretty smile. Nice teeth. Massage?" Nice approach with the compliment first.

"We are empty today. I give you massage. Hot stone and towels." Does a happy ending come with that?

"Massagie? I new here. $10 for 15 minutes." I didn't have the time. I had a train to make.

"$5 for 10 minutes."