Does Debbie

Thursday, June 29, 2006


It appears other bloggers occasionally play a game of “tag”, where you have to answer some question(s) and pass it on to other bloggers. Well, Scott thought enough to tag me, so I will play along….

Anyhoo, the Instructions:

1. Go to Wikipedia.
2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
3. List three events that happened on your birthday.
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death.
5. One holiday or observance (if any).

1. 1781 - Los Angeles, California, is founded as El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora La Reina de los Ángeles de Porciúncula (the City of Our Lady, the Queen of the Angels of the Little Portion) by a group of 44 Spanish settlers.
2. 1967 - The last new episode of the television sitcom Gilligan's Island airs on CBS-TV.
3. 1972 - Israeli Athletes taken hostage by
Palestinian Black September (group) at 1972 Summer Olympics in Munich massacre

1. 1968 - Mike Piazza, baseball player
2. 1981 - Beyoncé Knowles, American singer

The interesting death:
2001 - Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, American radio personality (b. 1962)

Now for the tagging part:
Tick Off Tracy
Stephanie Klein
JDater's Anonymous

Others are encouraged to play and put theirs in comments. Whie not as much fun as the Madonna concert I am going to tonight hopefully, not a bad killer of boredom.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


This past weekend was a good friend's wedding. The ceremony was nice, the food was great, the alcohol was flowing. And it was Sunday night. But the highlight of the night(besides when my friend Stacey accidentally grabbed The Man's ass thinking it was her husbands) was one of the speeches.

You see, the Maid of Honor (henceforth called MOH) is a HO. While sweet and a child hood friend of the bride, my friends and I are not the biggest fans. Point #1: She forgot which night the bachelorette party was and missed dinner. Point #2: When we were at the bar after, she spent the whole time chatting with men and giving out her number, which I'm sure her boyfriend didn't appreciate. Point #3: She told us that she can't help being a guy magnet.

Anyway, and apologies of course to the bride for insulting her friend, but this one is too funny to ignore. Time came for the speech. I don't know if alcohol was to blame, or stage fright, but MOH got in front of the mike and froze. She literally said 5 lines, of which the first three were the bride's name. She didn't write anything to read. She didn't make us cry or share a funny story.

But she did make us laugh at her. And for that I am grateful.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Fun with Playdough

I have always been a fan of Playdough. The smell, the taste, (admit it, you have nibbled on a white morsel) the fun one has squeezing it through your fingers. But what I never realized about Playdough was that it has the uncanny ability to morph into male genitalia.

No, I am not some freak who sits home and plays with Playdough while watching hour upon hour of Robin Byrd or Emanuelle. I was at a friend's bachelorette party last weekend, where in between appetizers and our entree, we had a penis molding contest.

Oh the range. There were blue ones, yellow ones, vein-popping erect ones, and even one with a cock ring (courtesy of a wedding band.) The winner: someone who cleverly added parsley to the lower portion of her Playdough. Guess which one was mine?

When The Man asked if the one I made looked like his, I replied, "no babe, I didn't have enough Playdough." Do I know how to score points or what?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

She Said, He Said- Part 2

Does Debbie said:

The two hardest things for a man to find: The G spot and "The One." I know, the latter is just as much a challenge for women. So let's chat more about this. Scott, you were married once. Did you really wake up one morning and think, "Hey, maybe I'll masturbate this morning. And while I am at it, maybe I'll get married too?"

This is something we all struggle with. How do you really know when the person you are dating is the one you are supposed to date forever? Do you just know?

The Devil said:

First of all, I have to challenge your initial premise. I think the two hardest thing for a man to find are "The One" and someone to get us 10-15 more stolen bases on our fantasy baseball team. (If you can do that with ease, you are my idol). As far as the G-spot, I'd like to think I will find it, and if I sense any doubt, I will most certainly ask. Like most me, I wont ask for directions when I am lost driving, but when it comes to that, I'm not spending one second too long driving around not knowing where the fuck I'm going.

Ok. Where was I? Other than slightly aroused because it only takes that much after walking around on a day like today... Oh yeah. "The One" and how do you know. In my opinion, you well never know. Marriage or moving in with each other is a tremendous leap of faith. What's more, it is a choice and it also a decision to make sacrifices.

I was with a happily married man in the elevator yesterday when a very attractive women walked in. When we walked out, I said, "If you stared at her one second longer it would have been a felony." Just yesterday on the way back from the gym some guy - while holding a woman's hand - eyefucked my friend so badly that I think she almost came.

What is my point? It is that anyone who believes that they will not be attracted to others or, in many cases tempted, when they get married is more delusional than people who actually believe that there is only one person out there for them.

My experience has taught me this much. If you are debating whether to make a lifelong commitment to someone, there are three things you should ask yourself. 1) If you are out for dinner, do you still have fun and banter, or are you distracted easily like when my ADD kicks in. 2) On a snowy Saturday afternoon, would I be completely content hanging with this person on the couch; and most importantly 3) Does this person genuinely make you smile. Often. Is it that simple? Maybe.

I will discuss morning masturbation at a future time.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Second Job

It felt like I was feeding a drug addiction. It was energizing. It was fun. It was Jdating.

NOOOO, things with The Man did not take a turn for the worse, nor am I sneaking around behind his back. Rather, I discovered the perfect second career: Ghost Writer on Jdate.

I happened to be at my friend Donna's apartment. For years she had shunned "The System." But she finally saw the light. The eternal candle, shall I say. She agreed to give it a go. Now Donna has a lot of assets, but wit with a pen is not one of them. Moi, a stellar writer if I may say so myself, offered to craft her profile for her. Talk about a good time.

Within two days of posting her profile, Donna had over 70 emails in her inbox. 70 potential suitors, all loving her profile (and if they only liked her picture, they were good liars.)

Which honestly, leads me to this: If you really suck at writing, and want a little wit and edge to your Online Profile, I am offering to write them. All I ask is 30 minutes of your time to interview you prior to writing. Oh, and a little bit of cash.

Whaddaya think?

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Tuesday Night Poker

When my cell phone rang Tuesday around 6pm, I was surprised to hear my friend Al on the other line. Even more surprising: Al was inviting me to play poker at his apartment that night. Of course, I never turn down a chance to take other people's money, especially money from men. I was going to be the token female at the table.

A few hours later I arrived at Al's and met my competitors, and what an interesting group it was. A writer. A bartender. A former Jean Valjean (he played the role on Broadway in the 90's.) And Cousin Andy. For those of you who haven't gotten the character reference yet, actor Richard Kind was there.

I found Richard's presence there unusual: here is a guy who probably plays poker every week with George Clooney, has been on Celebrity Poker, and yet ponied up $40 to possibly win $200 from our pot.

Of course, I wanted to win. I was the woman, hear me roar. Unfortunately the Poker Gods were not looking out for me as my hands consisted of: 2-5, 4-9, J-2, 3-7... you get the point. Not only did I not win a single hand, I couldn't even bluff my way out of the crap I was dealt.

And to make matters worse: Cousin Andy hit a Royal Flush on the flop.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

We're all Weird

I was browsing one of my favorite blogs, Stephanie Klein's Greek Tragedy, and came across her list of quirks. While not the most original in this forum, I think the content outweighs here...

1) I can only set my alarm to odd numbers. 7:49, 8:01, 8:19, etc.
2) I secretly like the smell of my belly button
3) I hate tomatoes, but love tomato juice and ketchup
4) I can eat chocolate covered fruit, but never fruit deserts with chocolate
5) I always shave my right leg before my left
6) I have eaten cookies for breakfast
7) I must clean up dishes immediately after eating
8) I must unpack immediately when I come back from a trip, even if I get in at 3am
9) I felt bad when I finally put my stuffed animal Rocky in a drawer
10) I have the unique ability to tune people in and out instantaneously
11) My favorite position to sitting Indian Style
12) I type very loud and very fast

Friday, June 09, 2006

Debbie vs. Tonic

Anyone who lives in my neighborhood probably knows that they opened Tonic East on the corner of 29th and 3rd (my block, unfortunately.) Under most circumstances, I would be thrilled to have a local pub to watch the Ravens on Sundays, or to order Frangelica on the rocks from a nice Irish man named Sean. But this is not the case.

Tonic East has three levels, including a roofbar. They are opened every day (including Sundays) until 4am. They play very loud music on obnoxiously loud stereos and have wall to wall flat-screen TVs and open windows. They probably have over 30,000 square feet under the roof.

They opened today, and Jennifer Lopez greeted me when I turned the corner, belting out All my Love. Honestly, I did not want her love. I do not want my block turning into a mecca for post-college Sigma Chis.

I had an idea: sneaking mice into the place. That ought to shut it down. Or what about putting a toe nail in a salad? Maybe I could "fall" walking to the bathroom. I could also call the cops if it gets too loud, but I think I just turned into my grandma. Geez, am I old or what?

Thursday, June 08, 2006


I honestly can not figure out why men hate making plans. To me, there is nothing better. The fact that I know I have reservations at Luger's in two weeks makes my stomach growl now just thinking about it. My trip to LA next month: counting down the days. Even the party at The Man's closet builder has me planning my outfit in my head (but then again, that might be a result of the host being a gay decorator and needing to dress to the nines to impress...)

Anyway, where was I? Ah, plans. And another reason that men just suck at times. True, there is the occasional man that gives more of a shit about his calendar than his blackberry, but they are few and far between. But is it really that bad that men let women rule the calendar? Maybe I should spin this to the positive. I can make plans with the couple with the mute husband. I can buy tickets to Counting Crows or Barbra Streisand. I can "surprise!"

Spinning this another way- does having a full calendar make one feel more confident? I have friends that run down their weekend plans from June through September ("I only have one weekend free, can you believe?... blah, blah.)

One last thought- imagine if you could make plans the same way you make reservations on

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


It happened on the phone this afternoon with a friend, "you should check out this website, they have great merchant offers." It wasn't the first time. "We need to optimize our selection of restaurants." My all-time favorite, "I really don't have the bandwidth to go shopping and see a movie this weekend."

You all know what I am talking about: the accidental infusion of our work-speak in our non-work life. The first time it happens, you laugh. But repeatedly, you might wonder if you tipped the work-life balance.

I could go all anthropological here, and refer to our jobs and offices as small micro-countries, each with their own language and habits. But you would call me a geek and never come back.

A co-worker and I thought we should publish glossy index cards for key industries, with a list of the top jargon and catch-phrases. Being in marketing, my index card would include words such as: leverage, engagement and benchmark. People are not people- they are consumers or users. Companies acquire customers; we opt into communications. We look at things holistically. We connect emotionally and rationally.

We love consumer-generated content, like my blog.

Monday, June 05, 2006


I think we all can agree that Viniero's cannolis are better than last night's suedo season finale of The Sopranos. No whackings and 60 minutes of Juliana Margulies... hmm.

However, I can't complain about last night in the least. The Man's friend Jon had people over to watch the show, which was complete with Lombardi's pizza. And then there was Bingo.

We played a game where when one of the following phrases was said, or particular person/place shown on screen, you marked your square. And just like the standard game, the first person to get a straight line in any direction, yelled out bingo. Except in our case, it was Badda-Bing-O.

The grid included catchphrases such as:

1) Paulie yelling "Oooooohh" (never did, although Tony did so we counted it anyway)
2) Carmela referring to her spec house (which she did like a million times)
3) Dr. Melfi calling Tony "Antony" (negative)
4) AJ calling something "Bullshit"
5) Referring to someone's groumade
6) Close up of Janice's tattoo
7) Gay slur
8) Reference to Vito
9) Fuggeddaboutit
10) Meadow whining

There were 15 others... any guesses?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Let Me Vent- Part 2

Maybe it's the week I am having. It is 8:12pm, and I was supposed to be in the Meatpacking District at 7:30pm for my friend Carolyn's dinner. I expected to be 30 minutes late as work has been crazy. However, Mother Nature is being a total bitch. The rain outside is honestly too much to bear. In addition to not being able to catch a taxi, I am wearing a silk skirt and linen jacket, neither of which I have any intention of getting one drop of rain on. Sorry Carolyn- happy birthday!

Which leaves me with you.

It's annoying: while eating my weekly peanut butter and jelly on a whole wheat bagel last Friday (we get free bagels every Friday) I splilled jelly on my new ergonomic keyboard. Fortunately, it landed between F4 and F5, two keys that I can honestly say I never use. Except there is some expanding stickiness on my #5 and #6 keys. And it smells like grapes.

Another annoying thing today: my sandals. Whenever I walk, my toes slide way down past the front edge of the shoes. This should happen in Pay Less Two-Fers, not in suede espedrilles from Banana or Ann Taylor, or somewhere like that.

Anyway, I think I am going to do more work as I am stuck here. Sucks.